Tell the truth. Simple enough, right?
Speaking truth is not always easy. We are often inclined to sugarcoat or deny a situation. It’s just easier that way. Under the fluorescent light every flaw is exposed and the reflection of the full-length mirror is overwhelming. So we cover up, make excuses and rationalize because we fear the truth. We don’t want to look at it and we certainly don’t want others to notice. It’s easier to avert our gaze and pretend it’s not there.
How can we speak truth when we can’t even face it for ourselves? We speak partial truth and believe the lie. This lack of authenticity permeates every part of our being resulting in either denial or hypocrisy.
Denial is a powerful force. It heals for a time, but in the end brings destruction. The destruction begins slowly as we continue to lose more of ourselves to wishful thinking. I speak from experience. For years I lived in a nebulous between denial, faith and wishful thinking. Although the truth of my situation stared at me, I couldn’t face it. How could I accept something so cruel? My heart knew it all along, it was my mind that wouldn’t accept it.
My heart ached, my mind rationalized. Yet the awful truth remained…my husband didn’t love me.
I lived in denial – he lived as a hypocrite. Although motivated by different factors, the outcome was the same. The truth was veiled.
Hypocrite
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Denial/Sugar
Coater
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Think of themselves
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Think of others and themselves
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Concerned with appearance
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Concerned with self preservation
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Motivator: guilt/shame, greed, outward compliance
with inward rebellion
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Motivator: fear and comfort
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Lying to the world
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Lying to themselves
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Want to please themselves
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Want to please others
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To speak truth, we must face it. Being transparent takes courage. Confronting the reality of my situation caused immeasurable pain. It forced me to take a hard look at my life and understand how I contributed to my marriage’s demise. As I faced the full-length mirror with its fluorescent lighting I was horrified by the reflection. There I stood, bare and exposed. A fraud. The woman everyone assumed was so strong, war torn and tattered.
I cried many tears in front of that mirror. I loathed the reflection. It was hard to face, but I needed to face it in order to rebuild the broken ruins of my life. I couldn’t just “pray through it” and expect God to miraculously intervene. No. This was something I needed to face. He wanted me to understand the brokenness so I could learn from it and grow.
The image of that tattered reflection still haunts me. I never want to go back to being that person who put on a smile for the world to see, while my life was falling apart. I don’t want to deny situations because they are too difficult to bear. It’s still a struggle for me to live and speak truth. I have to push myself to do it. Sometimes it means not saying a thing and being at ease in the silence, or instead of rushing to give an answer, I take the time to gather my thoughts then respond. Other times it means confronting difficult situations.
Transparency includes vulnerability and coming to terms with our flaws. Fear, expectations and opinions entice us to revert to old patterns of hypocrisy or denial. But I’ve made the decision to take off the mask and be authentic. It is a daring venture. Many will not like this, but to the rest, I hope to inspire you to so the same.
