Why Can't I Get Through To You?!

Have you ever tried to make someone understand your point, but no amount of reason or logic worked? This can be extremely frustrating and exhausting for all parties involved. I have been on the giving and receiving end of these debates. After hitting my head against several walls, I finally understand a simple truth, we cannot change people. That is not our job. Sounds so simplistic and it’s something I should have learned years ago. This would have saved me much heartache and pain. The reality is a person’s choice reflects their heart. We cannot do more for others than they are willing to do for themselves.

In the verses below we see a similar situation in which Jesus, God incarnate, is speaking plainly about who He is and His mission. As the verses below demonstrate, there are people who will never understand and refuse to listen to anyone even the One who gave divine logic.

“Jesus told them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, because I have come to you from God. I am not here on my own, but he sent me. Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me! For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me! Which of you can truthfully accuse me of sin? And since I am telling you the truth, why don’t you believe me? Anyone who belongs to God listens gladly to the words of God. But you don’t listen because you don’t belong to God”’ (John 8:42-47 NLT emphasis added).

The Pharisees and Sadducees of the day chose religion and custom over a relationship with the one true God. Their religion was based on self-sufficiency and keeping man made regulations. Keeping the law became a status symbol which comprised of give and takes. They looked to the law as a means to prosperity both in this world and in eternity. Because of their spiritual blindness, they attacked the God they claimed to serve and missed who was standing right in front of them.

When we willingly choose a way of life contrary to God’s standards our eyes become blind to the truth. This blindness causes us to base our reasoning on our human finite logic and we are no longer open to God’s words and His guidance.

God wants to bless us, but He cannot bless and protect those who willingly reject Him. So many want God’s blessings but are unwilling to pay the price.  We cannot make a choice and then choose the outcome.  We cannot jump into a puddle and not get muddy, with the puddle comes the dirt. Similarly, we cannot reject God then expect His provision.

God has established clear boundaries, it is up to us to decide.

^“See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess” (Deuteronomy 30:15-18 NIV).

God gives us all free will; We all have the right to choose. Yet some of us mistakenly think that we can make choices for others. We waste endless amounts of energy trying to convince another of what is best for them or try to impose our solutions on their problems. All of  our well intentioned advice falls on deaf ears, to the frustration of all. Whether we are encountering an abusive spouse, a rebellious child, a difficult parent, a ruthless coworker, etc… we cannot take responsibility for another’s actions. They too have free will. We can however, choose our responses. We do not have to take the burden for another’s poor choice.  Ultimately, we are the ones who choose how others either infect or affect our lives.

How can we implement these responses? Glad you asked J The answer- boundaries, that simple and that complex.

There are Biblical guidelines for setting boundaries. These guidelines are designed to bring reconciliation and peace.

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. “I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven. “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them” (Matthew 18:15-20 NLT).

1. When someone wrongs us, instead of confronting the situation we may ignore it, gossip or become resentful. We are instructed to go to the person and talk with one on and forgive as often as needed. This enables restoration.

2. If step one is unsuccessful, a private discussion including two or three neutral third parties should take place. These individuals are to serve as mediators in the dispute and help clear any miscommunication or misconceptions. This step is not meant to be vindictive or judgmental. Instead, it is meant to bring resolution to the conflict.

3. If the offending person does not express any repentance for their actions and has willingly decided to continue in destructive behaviors a boundary must be put in place. Although, we need to continue to pray for that person, we must separate ourselves from their destructive patterns.

In the verses before and after, Jesus makes it clear that He does not want any of His sheep to perish, even the wayward ones. There are times, because we do not implement boundaries, we inhibit God’s work in the life of a person. We are so busy trying to save them from the consequences of their actions that we get in the way.  We cannot save someone from their rock bottom, it may be the only way they look up to the One who can save. Our job is to speak the truth in love, forgive, pray for them, and no longer enable destructive patterns. We cannot stop them from pursuing their heart’s desire. It is not our job to change their hearts, that’s something only God can do.

Setting boundaries in a toxic relationship is difficult. A boundary creates a barrier. It means setting clear expectations and limits for yourself and others. It begins with a careful evaluation of the situations in our lives. By looking inward we are better able to identify maladaptive patterns and how we have contributed to the situation. Perhaps we have enabled bad habits or tried to “fix” someone, hoping that if we love them enough then maybe they would change. Maybe we have closed off and ignored the situation or reacted in passive aggressive ways. Whatever it is, if all of our energies are focused on making someone happy and in spite of our efforts, it is “never enough” or if we are only at peace when that person is temporarily satisfied, then we are in emotionally manipulative relationships.

When we allow others to control our happiness, we are hurting ourselves. Emotional manipulation occurs only because we allow it. Once we understand and identify an area that requires change we must be willing to make the decision to speak and live in truth, and stand our ground refusing to be manipulated. We cannot allow other’s choices to continue to dictate our happiness.

Setting boundaries is not an act of selfishness, as those who have been manipulating you may claim. Those in your life will abide, resist or ignore your new stand. Once you have stated your boundary, you must follow through with it. This will require strength of character. If you do not follow through, the boundary is useless. 

We cannot continue to enable other’s destructive behavior patterns. We must seek God in His wisdom, put boundaries in place and allow God to help us move forward in a direction that pleases Him.

Will the Pain Last Forever?

The pain of a sister going through the devastation of divorce reminded me of where I used to be. Hearing her anguish hurt my heart, but also provided encouragement because I was able to see where I was and where I am today. Friends, the wretched pain does not last forever. There is hope. With God’s help and guidance I am in a better place than I could have ever imagined. I want to share with you the letter I wrote her and hope you too will be encouraged.

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I have been praying for you. I know exactly how you feel and wanted to offer you words of encouragement. The verses below really helped me in a time where everything seemed hopeless.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.  For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.  In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer. “To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.  “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with lapis lazuli. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace. In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.  If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you. “See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the Lord” (Isaiah 54: 4-17 NIV emphasis added).

The above Scripture is one I have held close to my heart. I held that pain. Just like you, I was that young bride abandoned by her husband. There were times I felt abandoned by God; times when everything around me was broken and I felt alone. I was living in shame and felt disgraced. It was daunting and overwhelming. There were times I believed the lie that I was now “used goods.” I read the verses above and they spoke directly to me and reminded me that God knew my pain. He understood the grief that covered me. His eye was on me and He would rebuild the broken ruins of my life. He promised to protect me, to teach my children and to give us peace. At a time when there was no stability, this promise gave me great comfort. In time I would have stability and that gave me hope.

I was that storm battered city, troubled and desolate. When I looked at my situation through my human, finite understanding I saw hopelessness, desolation and despair. As I meditated on the Word of God I realized that because I had been through a traumatic event there would be a process to heal and rebuild.  Everything that lay crumbled at my feet would not be fixed overnight. Just like you, I was there, and I can tell you there is hope. It’s not the end –

Vendetta

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; if someone harms us, it’s only fair they get what they deserve- right? 

In Luke 9:52-56 we see that’s exactly how James and John, two of Christ’s disciples, felt when an entire city rejected Jesus. This rejection was highly offensive and in their desire to protect Jesus, they felt consequences were necessary. They wanted immediate action. After all, who did these people think they were? How dare they insult the Messiah?  

In their righteous indignation, they reasoned the best solution was for fire to come down from heaven to destroy the wicked city. That seemed fair, right?  

It does seem a bit much, but there is a lesson to be learned. James and John loved Jesus and it hurt them to see Him treated this way. They saw how much Jesus loved and how He lived His life in a sacrificial way. It hurts when someone we love is mistreated, especially when they don’t deserve it.  

When we have been wronged our desire may be retaliation.  This desire leads to our personal vendetta taking over causing us to spend endless amounts of time brooding over that person finally getting what they deserve. Something terrible may happen to them and on the inside we are jumping for joy. “That’s what they get!” is our hearts cry. Or worse yet, they may succeed or seem to be better than ever. That can really be infuriating. Thoughts of our own failures and the unfairness of it can be all consuming. 

How did Christ respond to James and John’s vendetta? He rebuked them. Jesus did not come to bring destruction. He came to save. We must remember that judgment belongs to God alone. Although these men thought they were protecting Jesus, in reality they were judging harshly with impure motives. Instead of allowing Jesus to address the situation, they wanted to take matters into their own hands and hurt those who hurt them.  

I have been there. There have been times where I too have been brought down by my desire for retaliation. In the midst of the anger, it is infuriating to see the person who hurt you go on with life as usual. My desire for revenge caused me to act out in ways I am not proud of. Even when I tried to suppress it, it would bubble over in other ways. 

Thankfully, unlike me, the Lord is slow to anger and abounding in mercy (Psalm 103:8). I had to make a decision. Do I continue to feed my desire for revenge or do I surrender it at foot of the cross? 

Unresolved anger was delaying my wholeness and keeping me from my destiny. I know there is a God in heaven who sees me. He has seen all I have experienced and I have to trust He will take care of it in His way and in His time. In order for me to experience His peace I needed to surrender it all including the mental comparisons and ill will. My standard of success could no longer be measured in light of the other person’s accomplishments. I had to turn away and shift my focus from the unfairness of the situation to God’s forgiveness. I did not want the anger in my soul to destroy me from the inside out.

Nothing can compare to God’s power. He alone can give us the strength to lay down the anger and forgive, but it starts with us. We have to be willing to release it into His hands. This is the first step in getting our lives back. We no longer have to ruminate in the unfairness. We can begin the process of walking our own journey, independent of the painful events.  

Because we are filled with impure motives, we are not meant to take vengeance. “ Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord. Instead, ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads”’(Romans 12:18-20 NLT). 

Before David became the king of Israel, he went through years of slander, persecution and near death at the hands of Saul. David had plenty of opportunities to avenge himself. Instead of taking matters into his owns hands, he chose to allow God to take care of the situation. These were David’s words: “May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you” (I Samuel 24:12). 

As difficult as it may be, we must follow Jesus’ instructions and love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44) leaving vengeance in His hands. This is no easy task and can only be done by the power of God. Talk to Your Heavenly Father today. Release it all into His hands. He alone can help you forgive.

I left the 99

We are all in search of relationship. It is one of humanities greatest needs. As little girls, we fantasize about our wedding day and the bliss of living life with “the one.”

Our greatest dreams become failures in the ruins of divorce. As our happily ever becomes a distant memory, we are left with disillusionment and are untrusting of love. It is difficult to understand another reality when we have been abandoned and betrayed by the one person we gave our love and trust to. The one person we vowed to love until death do us part. 

Overlooked and abandoned…what’s left?

Alone and isolated, who will care enough to listen to our heart’s cry? Every angst and tear shed. Does anyone really care enough to take the time to listen, every time we are hurting? 

When we put our faith in Christ we become a member of the family of God. As His child, we can approach God with all of our hurts, disappointments, failures and weaknesses. 

When I spend time in God’s presence I am reminded of His love for me. I am comforted with the knowledge I am not alone. There have been precious moments in my quiet time with the Lord where He has shown me His deep love, comfort and peace. I have felt His presence in the area of my heart that has longed for a father’s embrace. He is my Heavenly Father and I know I can come to Him. Unlike those who have abandoned me, He always has time for me. His love is unconditional and there is no shame in His presence.

There have also been moments where the Lord has shown me areas of my life He has longed to heal. Other times He has shown me areas of my character that have needed to be molded and made new. He has not been stern. Instead, He has done this gently and lovingly. Many think of God as standing over us with a rod, ready to punish. We live with a perpetual guilty conscience because we know we can never measure up to His standard. We beat ourselves up and instead of coming to Him in our brokenness; we continue to try to fix it on our own. In our hearts we compare Him to our earthly parents and carry the preconceived notion we have to be “perfect” before we can come to Him. We don’t allow ourselves to experience the love and comfort of our Precious Creator because we are afraid of His judgment. 

“For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help” (Psalm 22:24 NIV).

God hears our cries and wants to comfort us. He is loving, gentle and kind. He will not force us to trust Him with our pain. We have to willingly lay down our burdens at the foot of the cross. This is why Christ died. He died not only for our sins, but also for our shame, weakness, and pain. He willingly took it all on the Cross of Calvary. He died so we can have peace, healing and wholeness. 

“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all” (Isaiah 53:3-6 NIV).

His love for us knows no end. In His eyes we are more than our current circumstances. We are His children there is no pain or circumstance, He cannot heal.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him” I (John 3:1 NIV).

 “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16 NIV).

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” (Psalm 55:22 NIV).

The above verses are so encouraging to me. I often feel like an island of one. How often are we really able to share our heart’s cry? Even our loved ones have their own lives and for the most part unless they have experienced divorce, they cannot understand the intensity of the emotions.

I am so grateful my Heavenly Father always has time for me and encourages me to share my heart’s cry. Nothing in my life is insignificant to Him. He knows me from the inside out and continually guides me, one step at a time, to my destiny.

I Don't Understand

I have been greatly encouraged by Corrie Ten Boom's example of faith. At a time when I wrestled with my faith, reading how she overcame inspired me to draw closer to God in the midst of my doubts and grief.

I still don't understand all of the big questions like: how, when and why? I may never understand.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are
worth more than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:29-31 NIV).

God knows everything we have endured and we are in His care. He has not forgotten us. I have been especially affected by the part of the verse that speaks of Him knowing every hair on our heads. There was a time in the midst of the divorce that I lost a significant amount of hair, losing it in big chunks at a time. I had a bald spot on the top of my head about the size of a baseball. I did a good job hiding this from the outside world, because I was ashamed. I remembered this verse and I prayed it over my situation. Remembering I was in His care, even when my world was broken apart and my hair was falling out, gave me peace.

Your experiences may differ from mine. Your story may be more complicated. One thing we have in common is the knowledge that in Christ there is fullness of joy and peace. It is only when we surrender our lives to Him, broken pieces and all that He can help us overcome every depression and tension. Although God’s rescue does not always come the way we expect, we can rest assured that He has not forgotten us. Meditate on the verse above and remember you are in His care.

Help My Unbelief

Mark 9:14-29 recounts the journey of a father who suffered year after year searching for his son’s cure. His son was tormented by an evil spirit which manifested on a regular basis causing violent seizures. Oftentimes the demon forced the son into fire or water in order to kill him.

This father watched his beloved son suffer for years. I can imagine he tried everything to heal him. He must have lived in terror just waiting for the next episode; constantly worried that one day he would wake up and his son would be dead. The anxiety and the perpetual fear of the unknown must have been overwhelming.

He came to Jesus. After exhausting every resource and finding no result, perhaps he finally found the answer. But Jesus wasn’t there…How disappointing. Then he asked the disciples for help. Things went from bad to worse. Not only did the disciples not heal the boy, the spirit manifested and now there was an audience. The crowd grew larger and larger, watching the spectacle of the disciples trying to cast this demon out. Arguments and yelling began to erupt and the whole scene must have made a hurting and disappointed father even less hopeful.

Then Jesus steps on the scene. Immediately the crowd is overwhelmed with awe and instead of watching the spectacle, they run to greet Him. The disciples bring the boy to Jesus. Immediately the boy goes into a convulsion and falls to the ground writhing and foaming at the mouth. Instead of reacting, Jesus took the time to talk to the father about his son’s condition.

During the conversation a transformation starts to take place. The father who has been disappointed time and time again with promises of a cure begins to have a glimmer of hope. He asks Jesus, “have mercy on us and help us, if You can?”

In verses 23-24 we see the response: “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

Because of past disappointments and disillusions of a cure, the father had little hope. He came to Christ believing for a cure, but the little hope he had was dashed when Christ was not there. His disciples further killed his dreams by their ineffectiveness. 

When he saw Christ face to face, his hope was rekindled, but doubt still clouded his mind. 

What about you? Has disillusionment and disappointment caused you to doubt God’s care for you?

Personally, I have trusted God with many areas of my life. I have had faith for the big things, but when it came down to it, I did not trust Him with my future.

I have been disappointed time and time again. I have been disillusioned. Because I felt let down by God in regards to my marriage, I did not think He cared if I had a companion. I did not trust Him with my love story. 

Just like the man in this narrative, Christ has dealt with this area of my heart one on one. He reminds me that in spite of my past disappointments and failed efforts, He not only can but He will. This process has forced me to draw closer to God. I have to continue to remind my impatient heart to wait on the Lord and His time.

Empty House

After a long day of work one looks forward to peace and relaxation. But when entering an empty house, feelings of peace don’t come to mind. Loneliness settles in and the silence you long for is now deafening.

My children have been a safeguard. I have to care for them and with that comes expectations and responsibilities. At times, it is difficult when they go with their father. Coming home to an empty house magnifies the pain, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Initially, I was overwhelmed by these thoughts. I wanted to do anything to stop the pain, even if it was temporary.

Temptation- the spirit is willing, but the body is weak (Matthew 26:41). The strongest temptations come when we desire something and are vulnerable. We desire to be cared for and admired. This is normal, especially when our hearts have been torn into a million pieces. We need companionship and long to be loved.

It's easy to daydream about being wanted and cared for. This is a natural desire from God. Many of our desires are normal and wholesome. They become sinful when our thoughts become obsessions and we take matters into our hands. God wants to satisfy those desires in the right way and at the right time. When we give into temptation, we trade God’s best for a counterfeit. Instead, of walking the road to wholeness, we deceive ourselves by believing a relationship will mend our hearts.

The only one who can truly heal a broken heart from the inside out is the Lord. In order for Him to do this, we have to trust Him enough to give Him our pain. We cannot pretend we are not hurting and put on a smile for the world to see. We cannot crawl into our shell and block the world out. Temptation is real and in the ruins of a broken heart, anything that provides relief, even temporary relief is enticing.

Jesus is the Bread of Life, without Him human souls die of hunger. We all have a longing in our hearts only God can fill. Some of us have searched and tried to fill it with other things such as drugs, alcohol, food, sex, academic or professional success, etc... The emptiness that remains can only be filled by our Savior. Jesus loves us and is waiting with arms wide open. He alone can give us the peace we are so desperately seeking. None of us are perfect and we have all made mistakes. Thankfully, He loves us just as we are. All we have to do is give Him our heart and allow His love to give rest to our weary soul.

"Then Jesus declared, I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never go thirsty...whoever comes to Me I will never drive away...This is the will of the one who sent me, I shall loose none of all that he has given me, but will raise them up at the last day" (John 6:35-39 NIV).

When we endure temptations, we rise above them. The pleasure of sin is temporary, but the greatest reward is the Crown of Life. Each and every time we choose not to succumb to temptation, we are saying “Lord, I love you more than myself and I want to live my life to please you.” When we attain the Crown of Life we will hear the beautiful words every follower of Christ wants to hear when they transition out of this life, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

 

 

 

Spit on My Face

In Mark 8:22-26 we read the story of a blind man who was brought to Jesus for healing. The people of the town begged Jesus to touch the man and heal him. Jesus’ response was unique. He took the man by the hand and led him out of the village, away from the people. While alone, He spit on the man’s eyes.

This is a strange healing. Jesus could have healed this man instantaneously, just by speaking the words. The way He chose to heal this man is telling and has strong implications. First Christ led the man away from the people, away from the society who pitied him because of his blindness. Then He spit on him. Stop and imagine what must have been going through the mind of this man. He cannot see what’s happening around him and has placed his trust in a person who has now spit on him.

Healing did happen not right away. First there was a glimmer of hope. The man could see but not clearly. Christ touched the man’s eyes once again. Then his sight was completely restored!

The instructions Christ gave him after this healing seem counterintuitive. He told him not to return to the village. Why? Wouldn’t it have been a great testimony to those who begged for his healing?

This man was once blind, but now he could see. He was now a different person. He was not to go back to a life of dependence on others. He was now whole and complete and needed a fresh start. He was not to be tied down by the perceptions of others and the shackles of his former life.

Similarly, I spent many years in a state of blindness. I did not see the reality of my situation, but God saw what I was blind to see. Through it all His eyes have been on me. 

Just like the man in the scripture, I felt alone, insecure and did not understand why God did not heal me right away. I was frustrated when my prayers were not answered the way I thought they should be. For me, it was excruciating to live life as “normal,” in the midst of my suffering. I could not bear the thought of others going on and living their happy lives, while mine was so broken. There were times I lived moment to moment praying for God to help me with the pain. Time after time I cried out to Him. Minute by minute, He has carried me through. Just like the scripture below He has heard my cries and given me comfort. 

“O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings!” (Psalm 61:1-4 New Living Translation).

For me, healing has taken a long time. I recall one morning, I woke up and the all-consuming thoughts of my failed marriage weren’t the first things that came to mind. Then there were days where it didn't take up my every thought. Then there was a day when the ache in my heart wasn't there. It took me a couple days to notice, but when I realized it, I was overjoyed. The pain was still there but the debilitating ache was gone. My prayers for healing have not been answered right away and just like the blind man in this scripture, God has chosen a unique way to heal my broken heart.   

Our Marital Status Does Not Determine God's Love

Divorce is the reality of many Christians. Unfortunately, this marital status carries a stigma. Many divorced Christians have experienced secret judgment and lack of understanding from those in the Body of Christ who have never experienced this devastating event. Instead of support and restoration, platitudes are offered, further injuring the wounded person. 

In the wake of divorce many are overlooked, rejected, and treated as second class citizens. There is a similar story in Matthew 15:21-28. A woman came to Jesus on hands and knees begging for her daughter’s healing. Her pleas seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. Initially, Christ ignored her request. Overlooked, she persisted. The disciples even complained she was a nuisance. Rejected, she continued. When Christ finally responded, He called her a dog. 

“Dog” was an insult used regularly to describe people like this woman. When Jesus called her a dog, He was reflecting the attitude of the people of His day. He was not only testing the heart of the woman, He was also testing the heart of everyone in the room. When He ignored her cries for help, no one seemed to care. When He called her a dog, it seemed to validate the sentiment she was a second class citizen. 

We can learn so much from the example of this woman. Instead of being offended, she persisted. She took the label and turned it into a living analogy of her status as an expectant beggar at Jesus’ feet. She knew what she wanted and had faith to know that Christ cared enough for her that He would heal her daughter. She did not let the offense and the opinions of others stand in her way. 

Her response was extraordinary and challenged everyone in the room. Delighted in her, Jesus’ reply was, “Dear woman, your faith is great. Your request is granted.” With His answer, He demonstrated her true worth. She was not a second class citizen. In the eyes of God almighty she was someone special.

Christ went on to give her one of the greatest compliments of all time. She was dear to Him and He admired her faith. This is of great significance. Those are not words Christ said lightly. Throughout the gospel accounts we see numerous times how Jesus reprimanded the disciples for their lack of faith. 

Jesus elevated this woman to place of honor in the presence of those who looked down upon her. He saw beyond societal labels and looked at her true worth. Similarly, Christ looks beyond our marital status. When we see ourselves through God's eyes we can finally understand that divorce does not make us second class citizens. Instead, we are loved and treasured beyond measure by the God of the universe. 

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you” (Isaiah 54:10 NIV). 

When going through something so traumatic, it does feel as if the world is shaken all around us. What was once secure is now unstable. But through it all God’s love for us is fully intact. Our marital status does not determine His love for us.